its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
