i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
