I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
