so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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