Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
