Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
