and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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