ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
