today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
