I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
