if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have started to decorate penises.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
