i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
