just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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