so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
