Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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