dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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