it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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