whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
