Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
