I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
