God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
