Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
