That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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