I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
