I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
