I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
