just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
