Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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