The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
