He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
