Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
