What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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