You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
