No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
