Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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