Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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