If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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