I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
