Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
