Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
