I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i think my cat just said my name.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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