well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
