I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
