just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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