I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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