My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
