i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
