booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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