forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
