I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize