I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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