If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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