My hand turned me down
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
