yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
