Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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