I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
