Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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