I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
