He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
false alarm, still single
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
