She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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