I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
