Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
