"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
