I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
