Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
