I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize