so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
