I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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