There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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