You work out of a Hotel?
if only i could text you this smell
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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