My friends, they love my intelligence
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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