normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
