shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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