I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
