it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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