Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize