were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
