He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
