yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
