Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
