woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
