Don't make out with my wife yet
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
