Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
